Is it funny what your mind decides to immortalize in your memory, Moments in your life that seemed unimportant at the time but ended up leading to the a life changing moment, and this case my imminent downfall... In the past few days I have tried to clear my mind and look back at the last year of my life, and how the pieces of my life have aligned to bring me to this, the lowest point of my young life... and I continue to see that this downfall didn't start December 23, January 14Th, February 15Th or April 27Th... It happened much earlier, and that the catalyst of this downfall is none other then myself.
I have grown to understand that my downfall was due to the little decisions that I have made that I thought were everyday insignificant decisions, which lead to bigger decisions like leaving Ozark, Moving to a different state, Not showing up for class, Moving back to Arizona then back to Arkansas and then back to Arizona again, Not talking to Andria for 1 1/2 months... and because of these decisions I know feel more alone then I have ever been... My life has changed such a drastic amount I haven't been able to catch up emotionally... I went from being the center of some one's life, and Loved so much to being a schmuck and not even being in her life anymore... and there is a huge void in my life now, I am trying to fill the void with friends, Moving into my new house, family, summer trips... but so far after this last month and a half I have not filled that void... The funny thing about these decisions and my recent "Downfall" is that I would do it all over again, I would endure the pain, the monetary repercussions, everything... I have learned that 6 months in the sun is worth any kind of payment or consequences it requires... I really hope that she feels the same way...
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